Missing the Familiar
Monday, March 5th meant the second round of chemo. My nurses were not there. Jeri was in San Francisco with family and Meghan was home with a sick child. That left me in the hands of people I was not used to. They did a fine job but I am learning things about myself. The older I get and the longer this treatment goes I am becoming a creature of habit and routine.
Nancy and I were sitting in the waiting room when one of the nurses came out to get another patient for treatment. We both realized my “normal” nurses were not there. Nancy looked at me and smiled. “You will be okay.” She knew I was thinking of leaving and coming back another day. I stuck it out and the treatment went well. My nurse was someone I had never worked with before. I opted for limited interaction and extended sleep time. On my way out of the treatment area I stopped by one of the offices to make sure “my nurses” would be back next treatment. There is something about their familiarity and the rapport we have built that makes the day almost enjoyable.
A Hard Week
This past week has been a hard week. I am only on treatment number two but I feel like I did when I was eight or nine treatments in last round. There was no energy rush thanks to the steroids. I felt tired and weary most of Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Physically I was weak and tired easily.
Emotionally it was another season of adjustment. I was forced to come to grips that I was no “master of chemotherapy” and this was going to be at least as rough as last time. There were times where my mind was cloudy and I had to really search for what used to be simple answers or ideas. “Chemo brain” is a very real thing and is what I fear most as I go through treatment. I do not like the brain fog. I often feel like I have to work for the simplest of thoughts or ideas. [Read more…]