The decision to restart chemotherapy was made some weeks ago. We were fine tuning calendars but I knew it was coming. I have not talked too much about it with anyone. Last time I talked about it openly and freely. For some reason I have not felt ready, or willing, to do that yet. Talking about my upcoming treatments felt like an obligation or a burden. Talking about it made it real and I was comfortable living in denial for a few more weeks. Last time we were surprised and the journey began in a matter of days, it caught us off guard. This time we have had weeks to think, plan and prepare. While the planning has been helpful it has also given me way too much time to be “inside my own head.”
Sunday was not a great day for me. Church was awesome! We heard from our local Young Moms program. Heard testimony of how partnership between JAM Daycare and Young Moms is working to change lives. Worship was very good, and the sermon was not too bad. It was a great day. Emotionally I was all over the place.
I did not want to start chemo again. I know what the journey ahead will look like. Been there, done that and it is not something I am looking forward to. Right after church I got a phone call from the people who deliver the chemotherapy drugs prior to treatment. They wanted me home ASAP so they could make the delivery. There was paperwork to fill out and instructions to get. I wanted to go out for lunch. Cancer wins, home to wait for a delivery. I was not in a good place emotionally. [Read more…]