I will not lie. I did not sleep much on Tuesday night. The nurses had been great, I had plenty of pain medication…I was “feeling no (or little) pain” as they say. Yet my emotions were all over the place…it was almost like the longer and darker the night got the more my emotions danced and further afield they roamed. I awoke with fits and starts all night long.
If you know much about me you know I am a planner, a dreamer, a visionary, always thinking about what could be and how God invites us to participate in transformation of this world into the Kingdom of God which Jesus so eloquently describes as “life to the full”. Thursday night had been transformational for me. It had been one of those times God reached down and redeemed tragedy for the greater good…I was excited about where we were headed. I had a plan, a vision, a picture of the future…and it certainly did not include Colon Cancer! My plan A was now shifted to God’s plan [I will call it plan B – but truthfully it will ultimately be the plan that works so much better than anything I could ever have dreamed up]. So there I lay…plan A lay in shreds…trying to figure out what in the world God was doing with plan B.
A while ago I had, actually still have, a friend who would ask this very annoying question of me…he asked it just about every time we got together. “Dan, where do you see God at work in your life?” Lying there in the dark, upset that plan A was now gone…trying to figure out plan B…that question came roaring to the front of my mind. Dan, where do you see God in the midst of all this? In the midst of Colon Cancer! This was not my plan. Yet that was/is not the question. Where in the midst of this journey have you seen God at work? Slowly, very slowly, and sometimes better than others I have begun to ask that question.