WORDS OF TRUTH
“Nobody gets what they want”, was the statement Nancy spoke just a few hours ago.
Saturday morning dawned and I awoke feeling more like myself than I have in days. There was an outside project that had been bugging me for some time. Today was the day to take a few steps toward completion. I slowly got myself ready and headed towards the woods, chainsaw in hand…Nancy following close behind. We spent about thirty minutes outside, it was all I could do. I would cut, she would move the limbs. Soon after we started Rayann showed up and began to lend a hand. We cleared a big part of the project in that short time. Standing there looking at our work I thought it best to head in before it got to hot or I foolishly tried to complete the whole thing in one day. Progress, even a small step is encouraging.
Once back inside I laughed at Nancy, “Pathetic, simply pathetic, I am done in by thirty minutes of outside work.” I still struggle with the fact that those things which I really enjoy are just beyond my reach. I am learning that I can pace myself and still do what I enjoy, just in much smaller doses. In the not so distant past we would have been outside all day. Trimming trees, pulling weeds, completing little projects to make the landscape look just a little better.
Nancy’s response to my lament? “Nobody gets what they want these days.” “Your Dad wants to be self sufficient, you want your strength, and I (Nancy) want a nap.” She made me smile. There is truth in her words. Nobody gets what they want.
My father is in the midst of moving from the house that has been home for the last forty-eight years. He is a very strong, smart, self-reliant individual. This move is stressful and anxiety causing. He has allowed others to come alongside and help in ways that are new. If Dad had his way there would be no need to ask for help. He is a very independent person who would be much happier managing this entire move himself. The truth is that I have enjoyed the opportunity to “repay” Dad for all the many blessings he has poured into my life. Nancy and I have been able to come alongside and help him just as he has helped us. Life is beginning to look more like a partnership…it feels good.
I do not get what I want. If I had all my strength I would be moving in different ways through this world. Last night I was scheduled to attend a fellowship event for The Constellation Network. By days end I was wiped out. I knew that if I was to attned there would be a problem. My body was screaming at me to stop and relax. My mind was telling me I needed to be there. Ultimately my body won and I opted to stay home and relax. It was a wise move. At one point during the evening I looked over at Nancy sitting in the chair next to me and thought, “if you had pushed and gone to the event you would have made yourself ill AND missed this opportunity to just sit and be still with your wife.” I may not have gotten what I wanted. Nancy and I both got what we needed.
As I write about this it comes to mind that the only person who is getting what they want is Rayann. 🙂 Rayann does not much like what used to be our daylong yard work chore days. Now that I do not have the energy to lead the charge we do not do much more than an hour at a time. Turns out Rayann is the “winner” in this whole thing!
Nancy does need a nap. She has been doing a lot these past few months. She has carried on with her usual activities and then picked up some of the things that I can no longer do. Our home has a very nice sun room, it is Nancy’s place to go and “hide”. I have resisted the urge to “find” her when she disappears for a while to sit and relax.
THE PURSUIT OF
It occurs to me that much of life is spent in the pursuit of things. From an early age we are taught, or we catch, this idea that the goal of life is to go after and get whatever it is we want. We pursue an education, job, financial stability. Along the way we find ourselves pursuing relationships that bring a sense of fulfillment and peace to our lives. Our hobbies and even our vacations have turned into the pursuit of the ultimate experience or thrill. Now do not hear me wrong, I am all for setting goals and working to achieve them. Nancy would tell you that is a big piece of who I am and how I function in life.
I think the problem sneaks in when our focus becomes so much on “what we want” that we miss what God is doing in our midst. We can become so focused on the goals we have set that we miss what God is doing right in front of our noses. We are looking ahead, to the future and we miss the moment. Overwhelmed with reality that we are not “getting what we want” we miss the gift Abba Father has placed in front of us.
“I have no energy, I cannot work all day long like I used to…when will life return to what it once was.” – VS – “I am on my eighth round of chemo and I still have enough energy to go outside and work for thirty minutes.” “I have a wife and daughter who will work alongside me, help me in my weakness to accomplish what I see as important.”
It is so easy to do. Our world has conditioned us, or we have allowed it to condition us, to focus on getting what we want and being continually looking to what could be.
CONTENT YET NOT COMPLACENT
One of the pieces in my Rule for Life reads “Resolved to live patiently, striving to be content yet not complacent in life; patiently allowing God to work in His time to produce growth and maturity.” I have come to love the words “content yet not complacent”. They have become words to live by and have slowly shaped how I look at life. I have struggled at times to be content. The pull of this world is very strong. There is always more to be had, more to be done, more to accomplish. Over time I have grown to learn that as I am content with whatever and wherever I am my eyes and ears are open to see and hear the moving and working of God in the world around me. I can see the blessings within my family, church, community so much easier when I am content with where Abba Father has me at the moment.
There are times my heart screams and longs for more. In His time…in His time. Our call is to remain faithful and to continue to walk the journey. I am reminded of Micah 6:8, “He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” Do justice, love kindness, walk humbly…content in the knowledge that Abba Father will never leave nor forsake you. If we could do that it would not matter what obstacles or challenges life brought our way. We could learn to be content and confident in our future.
God is Good All the Time…All the Time God is Good!