That was the answer to Dan’s question, “What are you going to do now?” We had just returned from the oncologist with the news that Dan would begin Chemo treatments again due to growth in his tumor. Dan was returning to work for the rest of the afternoon. Not me. I was buying socks.
“Why?” he responded.
“Because I need socks.” After 27 years of marriage, Dan takes my logic in stride. We parted our ways and I headed off to TJ Maxx. Shopping is not always wise during stress, but it was part of my plan.
Our journey with cancer has almost lasted two years now. It has been amazing to see Dan’s strength return over the last 12 treatment free months. Now that will be ending and treatment beginning.
We had 2 weeks to process this next step before the appointment. Our emotions had resurfaced- anger, disappointment, sadness. My response was, “I don’t want to face this again.” His was, “We’ve done this before- we can do it again.” I then surmised that we can’t even agree on cancer. But, here it is.
Why socks? The last few weeks I realized several socks had holes in them, others were missing the mate. If I buy new socks, I save that five minutes of frustration trying to find socks. Every frustration that can be eliminated will be good as there will be enough challenges as we fight cancer. We both learned to pace ourselves and save energy for important tasks. I now planned to get us ready.
I have stocked up on toilet paper, paper towels and the little cube boxes of tissues he likes. Again, avoiding the stress of running out of the essentials. Clorox wipes are another tool I rely on while his immune system is weak. Last weekend during grocery shopping, Rayann and I talked about items he would need and began to gather them.
I put gas in both vehicles. Keeping tanks full allows for an emergency trip to the hospital and keeps Dan from having to pump the gas himself.
Dan’s disappointment was that treatments would keep him from being able to help with yard work this spring. But we can and will continue our adaptations we came up with last year.
There will be other boxes of supplies that pop up around the house over the next few weeks. We can do this again, together, with the support of others. It feels good to get to the practical side of fighting cancer. The hard part is some of the “practical” conversations we will have again. But it is good to have the time to think things through and make plans, even difficult ones. I am grateful for each day and every hour.
So, I went to buy socks. Somehow in my mind that is supportive. Regardless, I now have a pair of sparkly socks. Everyone wins.