Last week I had scans done of my chest and abdomen. Monday I had bloodwork drawn. Friday I will hear the results from all those tests.
It is my normal, every three to four-month tests that we run to see if my cancer is behaving or starting to grow again.
Last August Nicole, my PA, shared the results of my latest scans and told me to, “go get a beer.” It was her way of saying everything looked good. Nicole was happy with what she saw, or did not see, and she wanted me to relax and enjoy life.
I have resisted calling the office early and asking for Nicole. Part of me wants to know what the results are. Another piece of me is totally fine not knowing for a few more days.
The Roller Coaster
I cannot explain the feelings and emotions that move within my body and soul as I wait to hear how I am doing. When I went to get my blood drawn on Monday all the nurses were asking, “Dan, how are you doing?” I just laughed and said, “That is why I am here, so you can tell me how I am doing.”
The further I get from my last treatment the better I feel physically. The more energy I have and the clearer my mind thinks. There is much to celebrate. At the same time, there is this haunting idea that while all appears to be good my cancer is slowly growing inside me. I have no reason to think that way, it is just something I wonder about from time to time.
You would think that after two-plus years of this journey I would have grown used to this rollercoaster. That is far from the truth. While I struggle to remember how I moved pre-cancer this new reality has become very familiar. [Read more…]